Tragic Hearts
by Coke Zero17
Summary: Set After 4x10. Stefan decides to leave Mystic Falls, He and klaus find a lead on the cure in New orleans. They both decide they should go there also because Stefan is hurting and can't be around Elena right now. Elena starts to realize she might not love Damon after all and she might actually Still Love Stefan. STELENA. STELENA STELENA ENDGAME. OKAY. READ&REVIEW PLEASE
1. Chapter 1

Elena's POV

it had been a couple days, since I had ripped stefan's heart out of his chest and told Damon I loved him. Guilt had begun to set in, how could I do that to Stefan? How could I tell him in front of Everyone I wasn't in Love with him anymore. At one point, I had told Damon, it was always gonna be Stefan, so How come it wasn't anymore? I didn't understand my feelings or my actions lately. I had even told them Stefan treated me like a broken toy and I knew that wasn't true, He treated me with love and respect, More than I could say for Damon. I was Starting to doubt everything about myself, I was starting to doubt any of this was real. What I had with Stefan was real, But what I had Damon, I didn't even understand it. Why would I choose Damon, over Stefan? he turned me into a vampire, the night I was supposed to die. I didn't even like who I was anymore, or the way I treated people. Caroline pointed out things, and I would get upset, but it was because she was right. who was I? Stefan came in the room, I was sitting on the couch and he was eyeing me. I could tell he was still hurting badly and it was hard for him to stand in this room and even look at me. "Stefan," I began.

"Don't," he said. "I am not here to break you and Damon up, or keep you apart. I just came to say goodbye."

"Goodbye," I asked confused. Why would he be saying goodbye? Then again we had broken up, but I thought we already said our goodbyes for that. His voice sounded different, sad.

"Yes, goodbye. Elena, I am leaving town for a while. Klaus and I are going to New Orleans, it's to help find the cure," He told me gently.

"Stefan, You Can't, You can't Just leave me here alone," I said trying to stop him. I didn't like the thought of him going anywhere with Klaus. Klaus was a master manipulator and I was worried he would push Stefan back into his old ways. it was hard enough the last time when Stefan turned ripper. If I wasn't around, who would pull him out of it? It wasn't safe for him to be alone with Klaus.

"Elena your not alone. You have Damon, Caroline, Jeremy, Matt and Even Tyler," he said simply.

"I need you," I said firmly.

"No You don't. You said so in the library."

"Thats not what I said, Stefan. You know it," I defended myself.

"Elena I can't be here, I can't be around you it hurts too much," he admitted to me. It hurt hearing him say that, I remember when being around me, Made him cheery. "I still want to help you, I want to find the cure. I can do that by going to New orleans with Klaus."

"No Stefan, I am sorry, I don't want you to hurt, especially not because of me," I said honestly. "I miss when you were happy. I don't want you to go with Klaus, its dangerous," I pleaded with him.

"I can take care of myself, Elena. I'll be fine, I need to do this for me and for you," he argued.

"How is Leaving good for any of us Stefan," I yelled furious now. I know I had no right to yell at him or even try to stop him, but I couldn't Just let him go. I didn't want him to be in danger, I wanted him safe. I wanted him here with me, I didn't want him to leave. I had no right to feel that way, It was selfish after what I had done to him in that library, but I couldn't help it. I still cared about Stefan, I still felt something for him. I didn't want to be here with Damon.

"Elena, You need to figure out if you really love Damon, and You can't do that with me around," He sighed. "I need to heal, I need to hold onto what we had, I Can't do that if I have to watch you and Damon. if Damon is who you want, I need time to accept it. I need to find the cure, that will help sort out this whole mess."

"I want to go with you," I cried. "I Can't be here alone with Damon. Everyone hates me, they hate who I have become." The tears rolled down my cheeks. I was scared, Scared that Stefan wouldn't come back, Scared that Damon would leave me someday, Scared that I would end up alone. Scared that No one would want to be around me, Scared that everything would fall apart. "Please Stefan, Please don't go," I begged.

"Elena, This one time, I cannot make you happy," He told me. "I am sorry, I have to go."

"You don't have to," I snapped. "You can stay here, You just wont."

"Your not being fair Elena," Stefan said. He was right, I wasn't being fair. Why should I be fair, Nothing in my life had ever been fair to me. My parents were taking from me, My brother was a hunter and all he wanted to do was kill me. I was a vampire, I didn't want any of this, it wasn't fair.

"I know," was all I could muster up. I just wanted to run into his arms and hold onto him forever. We shared everything together, Memories, Love, Happiness, and now it was all being taken away from us. Who cared if I met damon first? Damon didn't caress me, Damon didn't protect me from the good and the bad. When Damon and I met, he was probably still in love with Katherine. Stefan had been over katherine, He fell in love with me from the moment we meant.

"I have to do this for me, I've done everything that I could for you. I need to be selfish just this once and do it for me," he said apologizing. "I wish I could make you Happy right now, Elena, You don't know how much I wish that, But I Can't. So I need to make me happy."

"I understand, I just wish this wasn't so hard, I wish everything was the way it used to be when I was human," I said crying. I ran over to him and wrapped him in a hug. I held him tight and cried my eyes out. they fell on his shoulder and he cried too silently. We had never held each other like this before. I was right about one thing, I was broken, but not because of Stefan. Because of Myself, thats who I had to blame. It was my fault things were so confusing, It was my fault I didn't know what I felt for stefan and what I felt for damon. It was my fault that Stefan was broken too, that he needed to leave. I needed to seperate my feelings, and figure things out. It was my fault all of it, this whole situation. "I am sorry Stefan, All of this is my fault."

"No its not Elena," he comforted me.

"But it is," i argued.

"No its Damon's, I hate my brother," he said angrily.

"Don't blame him, Stefan, Please," I begged. I wasn't defending him cause I loved him, because I don't know if I actually felt that way about damon. I felt close to damon and I cared about him, but I don't think love described the feeling. I had said that in the library, but thinking back to it now, it wasn't because I meant it. It was like I needed to say it, Like I was obligated. Maybe cause of the sire bond, maybe not. Maybe it was because I was afraid what all my friends, would think of me, I had slept with my ex boyfriend's brother because I was lonely. I was scared and he comforted me, and I thought that was love, I convinced myself that in the library. Was it Love? I don't know I wasn't sure. "I guess this is goodbye," I said holding him tight never wanting to let go.

"I will come back Elena, and We'll figure everything out. We will fix it, whether that means you stay with Damon or reunite with me, I don't know. With or without the cure, Your gonna be okay, So am I, " he replied truthfully.

"I hope so," I said with some doubt in my voice. I was scared, but I had faith in Stefan. More faith in him than I had myself and Damon. If I loved Damon, why didn't I have faith in him? why Didn't I trust him? What exactly was this feeling I had for Damon? I didn't understand it. I let go of stefan and i watched as he walked out the door. I could feel my heart slowly start to shatter, it was like little shards of glass cutting me from the inside out. it was the most intense and terrifying pain I had ever felt in my entire life. What Had I just done? What Had I just let go?


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: This whole story will be in Elena's POV so instead of writing it at the top of every chapter, I am just gonna let you know to expect it now. thank you to my two lovely reviewers, you motivate me to keep writing. :) Glad your enjoying the story.

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Chapter 2

I was curled up into a ball sitting on the couch, still crying my eyes out. It felt like I was draining every last heart wrenching tear I had in my body. I had deserved this, after everything I had done to Stefan. All that pain was reflecting back on me and now I understand why he had been so angry, so hurt, because it wasn't easy living with a broken heart. I kept reliving all the memories we had shared, all the fights, it was all hitting me now. All the love we had shared, that held us together, it was gone now. He was gone now and I didn't know when he would be coming back. I was left with a dark hole in my heart, and I was all alone. Damon had walked in, He looked at me with worried eyes. I didn't want to talk to him, much less explain to him what had just happened.

"Elena, whats wrong," He asked.

I looked at him, and I didn't answer. I just stared, he was caring, nice even. I cared about him too, but he couldn't fix me or change the way I was feeling. He couldn't bring Stefan back, or change the way things were. I doubt he wanted to anyway, He waited for so long for me to love him. He thought now that I did, but I wasn't sure. I felt scared, and angry with myself. I had broke one salvatore's brother heart and now here I was thinking I might break the other's heart too. He was so in love with me and he was in love the false idea that I loved him too. He didn't really love me though, he was in love with the idea of who he wanted me or thought me to be. It wasn't real love, I couldn't be the girl who enjoyed being a vampire, I wanted to be human again. I Could maybe adapt to being one and accept it, I could never love or find enjoyment in being a vampire.

"Elena, Please talk to me," He pleaded with worried eyes. "I love you."

"Why do you love me," I screamed at him. "why should anyone love me? I constantly break people's hearts! I don't even know what I want or who I am anymore." The tears came rushing down my face, I couldn't stop them or hold them back. I tried and I wanted to, but it was too real, too hard.

"Elena, whats gotten into you, what happened while I was gone," He asked really concerned now. I wish he wasn't concerned, I almost didn't want him to care about me at all. it hurt too much that he cared about me. It made everything worse, It made me an even more cruel person. I had done this to him, to stefan, to everyone. I made them care about me, I made them think I felt the same and then I shattered their dreams. I pushed them back into reality, I realize how cruel I had been, the things i'd been doing. I didn't deserve their love, I didn't deserve anything from them.

"Stefan left," I said wiping my eyes. what was the point? the tears just came running down my face again, it was a river of tears. I couldn't stop them, I didn't want to. I wanted to wallow in my pain forever, I wanted him back. I was lost, confused, and I was just a shell of a person now. I was nothing without Stefan, but I still had Damon. Shouldn't that mean something? It didn't, Damon just made me feel guilty, dirty, and horrible. I didn't want to be around him anymore, I didn't want to be with him, but I also felt this obligation to be with him. It was the sire bond, the only thing that made her stay with Damon.

"He will be back," Damon said still confused as to why she was upset.

"He is not coming back, not anytime soon. We said goodbye," I said remembering it. The memory was as fresh as an open wound. no matter how I tried I couldn't remove it from my head, it was like it was engraved, burned in my mind for all eternity. I never wanted to let go of stefan, and now I was wishing I hadn't. he would still be here if I held on tighter and a little longer. "He is going to New Orleans with Klaus, to help find the cure."

"I am sorry he upset you," Damon said not knowing what else to say. "What did he say to make you cry like this, he obviously hurt you."

Damon was angry now. I could see it in his eyes, he thought Stefan hurt me. Stefan would never do anything to hurt me, I knew that and I was upset that he would even think that. He should know his brother would never do that, no matter how bad I hurt him. I was hurting, he was right about that, but it was of my own doing. I did it to myself and I had gotten myself in this situation. If I hadn't been such a selfish, and insensitive person this wouldn't have happened. Stefan would still be here and my heart wouldn't be empty. thats what it felt like now, that every emotion that I had was erased. It was gone, but I knew that wasn't it, I just didn't know how to feel without Stefan, Like my humanity was shut off. Love was one of the things that made humans and human. I wasn't human anymore, I was a vampire, and I had lost what made me feel most human. It was my own fault, Not stefan, not Damon and certainly not this sire bond. I made all the wrong choices and now I was paying for them.

"He didn't hurt me, I am just sad that he is gone," I half heartedly admitted.

"Elena, He left cause of you," he said trying to assure me.

He didn't realize how much she knew that. He Did leave cause of her, the words echoed in her mind: 'I Can't be around you, it hurts too much.' I had made him feel that way, because I told him I wasn't in love with anymore. I didn't think that was true anymore, I didn't know what was true anymore. I needed to figure it out because I couldn't keep hurting people and I couldn't keep living like this. Damon tried to kiss me to comfort her, but I pushed him away. the last thing I wanted was a kiss right now and definitely not him.

"I am sorry, I thought it might help," Damon apologized.

"Nothing helps, Everything hurts," I confessed.

"Is something wrong, want me to get bonnie," he asked worried. "She could find a way to heal you, vampires aren't supposed to feel pain."

"You know that's as false as the world being flat," I retorted. "You feel Pain as much as humans do, and its magnified which it makes ten times worse than any pain humans feel."

Damon looked at me confused, he couldn't understand why I was angry. I wasn't angry with him, but i took it out on him and that wasn't fair. I had felt bad for snapping at him, he didn't do anything. He didn't even make me feel this way, I did. I shouldn't be treating him like he had stuck a knife through my heart. especially since I would be the one sticks the knife in his heart. I didn't want to, I wanted him to be happy. I didn't love him and he thought I did, I couldn't keep letting him think that. How would I tell him the truth? I needed to let him hold onto it a little longer, I needed to figure out how I felt about him, and which feelings of mine were real and who did I love? Did I love Damon? Was I in love with Stefan? Nothing was clear. I needed to get myself together, but it was so hard when I didn't even know where to start picking up the pieces.

"I am sorry for snapping at you, I am upset but i had no right to take it out on you," I apologized to him.

"I don't know why your so angry or upset. I know your worried about stefan and sad he is gone, but you have me. I love you Elena, I am in love with you."

That was it, I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't live like this, it was like Fates way of telling me to wake up. My eyes were open and I could see how badly He thought I loved him. He wanted to be there for me and I was appreciative, but I didn't want it. I didn't want his love, I didn't want him to be in love with me and I didn't want to hurt him. The same words I had said to stefan. I realized, that I actually meant them for Damon, I just couldn't say them. I got myself in this situation and I had to get myself out, I had to tell Damon the truth before it was too late, before I hurt him worse than I already had.

"Damon I appreciate it, I do, but there is something I need to," I was cut off because someone entered the house interrupting us. I groaned an irritation, I wanted to tell him the truth without anyone else around. The person who had walked through the door was Bonnie. Bonnie could tell she had interrupted something and started to back out the door, but Elena stopped her. "What's wrong bonnie?"

"Its Jeremy," She said. "He is gone," and with that sentence, Elena's whole world began to scatter. Everything was falling apart.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I apologize for not updating this until now, life got ahead of me and I just been so busy. I hope their are still some readers and reveiwers out there. :) thanks for the support guys I am so glad you all like it. **

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Chapter 3

I could feel the panic rising in my chest. what did she mean he was gone, how could my little brother be gone? did she mean he just disappeared, or was he kidnapped? Where could he have gone in the matter of short hours I was away from him? I could tell by her face, this was not good news and there was more she hadn't said yet.

"What do you mean he is gone Bonnie," I screamed at her. Damon came up behind me and put his hands on my shoulders trying to keep me calm, but it Just made me feel worse. I wanted my brother, I wanted to hug him and I wanted someone to tell me everything would be okay. I pushed Damon's hands off my shoulders and gave him a scowl.

"He is dead Elena," Bonnie confessed. Her hands were shaking and she looked like she was about to lose all control. She was barely keeping it together, she was on the verge of tears and she wasn't even trying to be strong. I could see my best friend struggling with this, like it was the weight of the world on the shoulders and she had just dropped it onto mine.

"Your Lying! Jeremy can't be dead, he is not dead! I won't believe it. He has the ring, and he is a hunter. If someone killed him he would get the hunter's curse," I said refusing to believe it. "Who would Kill him? I need him alive, we All do. He is not dead, Bonnie. Where is he!"

Damon walked over to stand in front of me, looking me face to face. He took a deep breathe and grabbed my hand trying to lead me to the couch, but I pushed him away. I didn't want to sit down and I didn't want him touching me. I wanted my brother, I wanted to see Jeremy. This was a living nightmare, there was no way Jeremy was dead, he was all I had left. "Elena, listen you need to sit down, then we can let bonnie explain," Damon said calmly.

"I don't want to sit down! I want my brother, I want to see him. How can you be so calm about this Damon? Bonnie said Jeremy is dead, He is all I have left," I shrieked in terror and grief.

The tears were stinging and falling from my eyes, the pain was unbearable. I could feel my face swelling up from the sadness I felt. This grief, this pain, terrible pain would swallow me whole, it was like a black abyss that I couldn't escape. None of them could possibly understand how I felt, I had lost everyone. Jenna was gone, Alaric was gone, my parents were gone, Stefan left town and now Jeremy was gone. How could they let this happen? How could Stefan leave me behind, I needed him. Maybe if he was here, Jeremy might still be alive! Why didn't Bonnie Protect him, she was witch, a strong and powerful one, she certainly had the strength to do so, why hadn't she?

"Bonnie, why don't you sit down," Damon suggested to her. "I'll take Elena to her room."

Bonnie followed his instructions and sat down on the couch in the living room. She was silently crying, she wasn't saying a word. She just sat on the couch staring into space, I didn't understand why she was so quiet, Jeremy was someone she loved deeply after all.

"I am not going to my room, I want to see Jeremy, take me to Jeremy bonnie," I screamed at her with tears streaming down my face. "he is not dead, I don't believe you."

"Elena, Your just upset, You don't need to see Jeremy, that will just make your more upset. Don't put Bonnie through that pain or yourself. He is dead, why would bonnie lie, I know you don't want to believe it, but its true. I am sorry Elena, I would change it if I could," He said trying to change my mind.

"Upset?! You call this upset Damon. I am devastated, I am lost, and I can't take this pain. it hurts too much, It hurts make it stop, make everything stop, Please Make it stop, I don't want to hurt anymore," I Cried.

Damon looked me in the eye and I could tell he had some sort of plan on his mind. I wasn't quite sure what. "I Should Call Stefan, He will come back for you, Elena," Damon told her.

"No I don't want to do that. It would just mean more pain for all of us, i don't want Stefan, Damon. I want Jeremy! I want this Pain to Stop," I yelled at him in frustration.

Damon knelt down in front of me, and looked at me with empathy in his eyes. I Could tell he had another idea on his mind that was about implement next, but I wasn't sure what it might be. He pulled me down to his level and I was still crying and shrieking in pain. He looked in my eyes and spoke firmly, demanding and clearly: "Turn it off," He started before Bonnie interrupted.

"What are you doing Damon? Don't, You can't, do that," Bonnie said with her eyes full of tears.

"Its the only way Bonnie, i have to help her. This is the only way I can Help her," He replied. Then he looked back at me and said the same thing.

Everything was gone, I didn't feel pain anymore, But I didn't feel love either. I didn't feel hate, happiness, desire, hope, faith, any emotion I had ever had was gone now. I wasn't empty, but i wasn't full either, I was just me. I didn't care anymore, about anyone or anything.

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A/N: Yes i did the turn the humanity thing off like the show, guess who gets her to turn it back on ;) you will find out how Jeremy died in later chapters, and you will find out what's happening in New orleans in later chapters as well. R&R Please


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